London. 10/23/01.
Since their breakout from the Bedlam asylum several years ago, the Bedlam Bards have only become more outrageous in their criminal acts of balladry with violins, according to a police source who wished to remain anonymous.
"I caught them in the act while going to the Faire of Dingle," said the officer, whose memory of the exact date was fuzzy, noting only that the chance meeting occurred "one morning last July."
When asked to comment on the Bards' infamous acts, he said, "Their performance down at Murphy's Shed floored me. I mean, once I could regain my feet, I had to fetch my big brother so that he could hear them for himself."
Mistaken Identity
The officer also reported that Hawke was seen in the company of a donkey and a red-headed woman named Mary. But these two may have simply been Cedric and Lilly in disguise.
"I can see how one could mistake Cedric for an ass," said Tom Tackett of Argyle, police chief for the village of Yeolde, "but the real problem with that theory is that Lilly has dark hair. It's a well-known fact that when it comes to the Bedlam Bards, it just ain't over 'tll the dark lady sings."
"I can still remember the first time I saw her," Tackett continued. "She came to me one morning-one lonely Sunday morning, if I recall correctly.
Her long hair was flowing in the midwinter wind."
Chief Tackett has been trailing the outlaws for years. His fellow officers worry that he may be obsessed.
"Don't let his arresting smile fool you," said Detective Richard "Dick" Holder. "That man's a maniac."
Evidence Not Forthcoming
Meanwhile, the Bedlam Bards are under investigation for numerous alleged crimes.
Witnesses say that Hawke and Cedric have both been seen pilfering money from inside women's bodices using only their teeth, but no woman has yet to come forward to press charges.
"It's like they don't even object," said the disgusted detective Holder.
Rumor has it that Cedric learned his technique from the Red Gryphon Gypsy Clan, who are believed to have adopted the fiddler during a recent visit to Castleton.
Similarly, investigations of rumors that Lilly has organized illicit banking and gambling as well as a canine prostitution ring have not turned up any proof.
Police have asked men who have made deposits at Lilly's "Twin Peaks National Bank" to come forward with hard evidence, but apparently frequent depositors have trouble walking.
Innocent Lass Turns Outlaw
Though Lilly has become as notorious as her male counterparts, she may have been an innocent lass before Hawke and Cedric corrupted her.
“Poor Lilly’s in the storm, that’s for sure,” said old Snow, a cleaning lady whose job includes sweeping the floor at Glencoe Pub, where Lilly used to sing. “I don’t mean to be cruel, but those boys are no good for her.”
Snow cut the interview short when the reporter attempted to order Campbell’s soup.
“We only serve Turkey McLegs!” thundered the disgruntled employee.
Detective Holder doubts the veracity of Snow’s testimony: “That girl (Lilly) ain’t innocent of nothing.”
