The Ball of Ballinor

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness,

When the ball was over, there were four and twenty less.

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Balls to your partner, Arse against the wall

If you canna get \ on a Saturday night

You canna get \ at all

The bride was in the bedroom, a talking to the groom,

The front! the front!! And not the back's the entrance to the womb.

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The queen was in the parlor, eatin' bread and honey,

The king was in the chambermaid, and she was in the money!

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The deacon's wife, well she was there, with her butt against the wall,

Put your money on the counter boys, I'm gonna convert you all.

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There was \\ in the kitchen and \\ on the stones,

Ya' couldna hear the music for the \\ and the groans.

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The village butcher he was there, a cleaver in his hand,

And every time he turned around, he circumcised the band.

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The village blacksmith, he was there, his balls were made of brass,

And when they clacked together, lightning shot out from his ass.

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Cedric the Fiddler, he was there, 'tis true I tell you so,

He entertained the ladies while he rosined up his bow.

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Hawke the Balladeer was there, drunken as a lout,

Strummin' on his instrument to see what would cum out.

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The village chandler, he was there, filling in the cracks,

His hand was in the honey comb,  his wick was in the wax.

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Some horny Vikings they were there, along with Eric the Red,

They wore their horns inside their pants, instead of on their heads.

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The Clan MacRaven, they were there, all around the keep,

They ate up all the haggis, and they buggered all the sheep.

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The letter carrier he was there, the poor man had the pox,

He couldna \ the lassies, so he \ the letter box.

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The village cripple, he was there, I did not like him much,

He lined them up against the wall, and \\ with his crutch.

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The village drunkard, he was there, boisterous and loud,

He was swinging from the chandelier and whizzin' on the crowd.

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The village idiot he was there, can you imagine that?

Amusing himself by abusing himself and catchin' it in his hat.

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The village \\ she was there, she \\ \ \\,

and every time she \ \\, \ \\ closed the door.

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When the ball was over, everyone confessed,

The music was exquisite, but the f**kin' was the best.

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